


One Moment At A Time

by smolder



Series: Connections [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 19:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolder/pseuds/smolder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The War’s over. They won. And it’s just like it was last time for Remus. Only everything’s different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part one: still

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N: This is a Wishlist fic as well, it came from a prompt provided by luna_del_cielo or just Luna over her on TTH. But, since it ran rather long I figured it was better suited to being posted separate from the general collection (Multitude) I had.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

  
Part 1: still   


  
Life continued on for him after the War because it had to.

It seemed that, just like last time, he was the one left behind. The person all alone and simply surviving at the end of the day.

It took him a while to remember that this time that _wasn’t_ the case. There had been that long moment of simply staring at her form laid out and so still – so very still. His Dora had never been so still.

She was bright, clumsy, playful, fierce, brave, quirky and wonderful. Not….peaceful. Even in sleep she would move around a lot and bits of her hair would change color abruptly.

He just kept staring – just waiting for her to move.

His eyes slid over her body slowly and settled on her stomach and something niggled on his thoroughly numbed brain. Something important. Something _theirs_.

When it hit him, he breathed in sharply and turned on his heel. No one noticed his exit – all too busy celebrating Voldemort’s defeat, tending wounded, or mourning their own dead.

And it wasn’t difficult to leave behind her body there. That thing….her-her corpse no longer felt like Tonks to him. And he had something he had to do. Responsibilities he could no longer ever ever shy away from.

***

He gave a slight involuntary start when he first entered the house. It was in no way shape or form his mother-in-law’s fault that she bore such a striking resemblance to the woman who had just killed his wife.

It made sense, after all, since Bellatrix had been Andromeda’s sister.

Any similarity to the crazy Death Eater vanished when he saw the tears on her face, the utter anguish in her countenance.

“Remus,” she whispered, choking on even the name. She stood up from the couch she had been sitting on with Narcissa Malfoy and took a step towards him – reaching her hand out before letting it drop. They had never been extremely close, never had the time for that sort of relationship to even form really. But this changed everything and neither knew quite what to say. What to do or how to act.

“I want to,” he stumbled over his own words and had to clench his jaw tight again just to get through this moment. Was this what his life was going to be from now on? (Again.) Moment to moment? “I know he’s asleep,” Remus continued, “but I need to go look at Teddy _right now_. I need to just go look at our-,” Merlin he _wouldn’t_ break right now, he wouldn’t, “- _my_ son.”

“Of-of course,” Andromeda said, stuttering uncharacteristically. “Can I,” she swallowed and averted her eyes as if asking pulled at her, “can I come with you? I don’t want to be alone right now,” her voice ended near a whisper.

As if her statement made her remember the other person in the room Andromeda turned around to her sister again. “Oh, Cissa -,”

“No, Andromeda,” Narcissa said getting up off the couch gracefully. “I do not want to impose on you – especially not at a time like this,” her eyes darted to him awkwardly. “I will simply see myself out.”

“You can come too,” he invited.

The whole room sort of froze for a second. There were looks going on around him and family politics that he only just began to understand when his mind wasn’t clouded by such recent grief. At right now, he frankly didn’t care.

“If you’re sure you don’t mind,” Narcissa said pulling her perfect robes even straighter.

“No, Cissa. I want you to stay,” Andromeda responded grabbing her hand. And something about the stiffness the Malfoy woman always handled herself with seemed to loosen.

“Alright,” she smiled and it was probably the first genuine smile Remus had ever seen from her. “I’ve never actually seen Teddy,” she commented as she allowed her sister to lead her to the bedroom.

Remus followed behind the two women and a hush fell over all of them when they opened the door to the room.

A room that had very obviously been Tonks’ as a child (band posters on the walls, clashing bright colors everywhere, moving pictures chronicling different points in her life stuck into the edges of the mirror, both wizarding and muggle stuffed toys on the window seat) and just been slightly converted for _her own_ child’s use while he was here. That would probably hurt – should probably cut at him inside – but it barely registered.

Instead he continued, as if in a daze, to his little boy’s bedside while the others waited at the door as if giving him space. And suddenly, there he was.

But now what.

Since…..it….had happened. Getting to his son had been all that had propelled him forward. Remus’ swallowed hard and his hands wrapped around the safety rails that had been put up on the edge of the bed.

 _Now_ everything was sharp. _Now_ everything felt too real. Too cutting. Too much.

Too much. Just too much.

But…but this was still the only place he knew to be.

With a shaking hand he gently ran a finger across Teddy’s hair. As if somehow sensing him in his sleep, the hair turned pink. Bright joyful pink.

Just like his mother.

Oh, fuck.

He pulled his right hand quickly away, balled into a fist against his mouth to try and muffle the noise of his sudden sobbing. He clutched the wooden rail in his other hand – welcoming the bite of the sharp edges into his palm. Slowly Remus sunk to his knees next to the bed and let his head fall forward against the mattress.

***

He woke the next morning feeling incredibly stiff – his face, body, and his head. And it took a while to register the feel of two bodies leaning against him. Two distinguished women (one blonde and the other brunet), tear-streaked faces now slack in sleep with their heads on his shoulders. They must of rearranged him sometime last night so that he was leaning back against the bed.

Sunlight filtered lazily through the blinds and he allowed knowledge to come slowly into his brain as well.

Tonks was dead.

Voldemort was dead. Again. The War was over. But that hardly seemed to matter to him because Tonks – Tonks was dead.

He bit his lip hard and breathed through his nose. Remus really didn’t want to cry again right now. _Moments. Just moment._ He only had to get through moments at a time.

He remembered that from last time.

On his left Narcissa murmured and shifted slightly but kept sleeping and something stuttered inside him, stopping his train of thought.

This wasn’t like last time. He actually had some people left this time. _Family._

Teddy, Andromeda, Harry, and …..Narcissa.

 _Ah, the Black family_ , he smiled despite himself. Sirius would probably approve.

 _Dora_ , he closed his eyes pained, the smile slipping from his face and settling into a grim line. _Yeah, Tonks would have approved, too._

Would have.


	2. part two: spires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

  
Part 2: spires

The Wizarding World in general should be more accepting now that Voldemort was gone and the “good guys” were in power.

 _Should_ being the operative word in that sentence. Because it seemed after the War people were still just as terrified of werewolves as they ever had been. Perhaps more so because of the nuisance and horror Fenrir Greyback made of himself working under Voldemort - leading practically an entire pack.

So that was the public perception now. That all werewolves were feral creatures that lived in unclean groups and would bite people (or worse) as payback if they crossed them.

Lovely environment to go out and attempt to get a job in.

They knew who he was. The newspapers had done write-ups on all of the survivors (HEROES!) of the Final Battle with big pictures of the mass funerals (probably hoping to garner support and make people forget that they had just been printing propaganda for the other side days before). They had also done the wonderful job of actual journalism for a change – going on about his time as a teacher at Hogworts, his work with the Order, that he was now a widow and single dad…..before outing him as a werewolf.

He supposed all of the people who smiled awkwardly and told him positions were filled or simply slammed doors in his face had only read the end portion of his write-up. Had skipped over the war hero parts and gotten down straight to the lycanthropy.

Or perhaps the latter made the former cease to exist somehow. In the opinion of the Wizarding World, as long as he was a werewolf he might as well have been on the Death Eater side.

To them the fact that he continued to fight everyday didn’t matter. All that he had lost didn’t matter. James. Lily. _Sirius_. Dumbledore. Fred. Tonks.

Shit, Dora…..

Remus stepped out of the street, into an alleyway and pressed his forehead against the brick hard – forcing himself to simply breathe. _Moments. Moments_. He just had to get through these moments and remember why he was doing this.

(Just keep in mind the little boy he had left earlier today waving to him happily. Giggling as he bounced on the hip of one of his former students. The image Remus had seen right before he apparated – of Teddy grabbing a chunk of Luna’s long blonde hair and trying to stick it in his mouth, his own hair instantly changing to match. )

He let out his breath harshly and pushed away from the wall. Well, if the Wizarding World wouldn’t take him, he’d see if the Muggle World would.

***

He had a good feeling about Oxford he decided. The way the spires of the old building poked through the fog reminded him of Hogwarts – one of the only places he had ever felt at home.

He tried to let that sense of comfort propel him forward as he made his way across the campus. Tried not to think too hard on the fact that he desperately needed this job ( _any job_ ) and he held no credentials whatsoever for the position. That technically to this world he didn’t actually _exist_.

It’s not that Remus wasn’t actually _qualified_ for this (he had been top of his class in school, studied extensively on the subject in the years since and he had already taught something similar to multiple grades in the one year he had taught at Hogwarts)…..he just didn’t have _the qualifications_ that mattered _here_.

He tapped his foot nervously as he sat in the waiting room of the Human Recourses department and smiled politely at the secretary when she called his name and followed the finger she pointed to the door behind her.

The lady behind the desk was middle-aged and looked serious and professional. Remus’ mind somehow flashed to a much younger Minerva McGonagall although there was no real resemblance in her appearance.

“Mr. Lupin,” she said. “My name is Eva Kowel. Please sit,” she gestured to the chair in front of her.

He did so trying hard not to show his tension. “Thank you, Ms. Kowel,” he said politely.

She smiled slightly before her face became a professional mask again. “So, Mr. Lupin. I understand that you are interested in becoming a Professor of Mythology here.”

“Yes,” he said simply, although he knew more was expected of him. He was simply hoping to stave off the rest of this conversation.

She waited a beat for him to say more but when he didn’t she continued. “I suppose something malfunctioned with our machines because your resume has not yet arrived,” she stated waiting for him.

“That is a shame,” Remus stated smiling stiffly.

“Mr. Lupin,” Ms. Kowel said in a slightly frustrated tone. “Are you even qualified for this position or have you simply been wasting my time.”

Remus closed his eyes in defeat and began to rise from the chair - to turn around and finally give up (at least for today). But when he opened his eyes again something caught his attention and he had to fight not to show the burst of excitement inside him.

“Is that a Holyhead Harpies patch?” he asked pointing to the simple green circle with a gold talon through it that had been sewn onto a messenger bag that was slung across her chair.

She went tense and wary but something flickered across her face. It was either familiarity or she thought he was crazy – either way, Remus figured he might as well go for broke. There was nothing left to lose right now.

“The Harpies are having a great year. I have to admit, in the past I didn’t follow as closely but quite a few of my former students on the team right now,” he tried to say in a conversational tone.

“Really?” she asked her eyes going wide and her voice a bit breathy – an utter turn around from her former demeanor. “You know them?”

“Angelina, Alicia, Katie, Ginny,” he listed easing back into the chair in front of her, knowing that none of them would mind him dropping their names like this. “I only taught at Hogwarts for one year but they were all in DA as well and we all had to keep close because of the War.”

Her look of egger fan slackened and her eyes dropped to the papers on her desk. She re-arranged them blindly for a few moments.

“I- I’m a squib,” she finally said looking up at him through her lashes as if admitting a dark secret. “My parents aren’t – they’re a normal witch and wizard. They never were cruel or tried to cut me out of the family like some did when their children were born without magic but when the Death Eaters took over …,” she trailed off for a moment. “It- it was no longer safe for me to live there, in that world. Even though it had always been home to me….although I suppose I never _truly_ belonged,” she gave a sigh.

“I’m a werewolf,” Remus blurted.

She looked up surprised.

“I just wanted to say -,” he stumbled wishing almost that he could take it back, “that I understand. If you aren’t exactly like them you never get accepted by them. That’s why I’m here,” he admitted, “the War’s over but they still don’t accept. I fought, I lost almost everything but I’m different so _naturally_ I am feared,” he ran a hand tiredly through his hair.

She looked at him carefully. “Do you have a resume. A _real_ one?” she quirked an eyebrow. He flushed slightly and fished one out of his coat, handing it over to her. She studied his actual credentials for several moments.

“You’re a werewolf,” she stated when she looked up.

“Yes,” he said keeping eye contact with difficulty.

“Would you need time off near the full moon or do you have ways to stay in control? To deal with it on your own - both the change and the pain?” she asked practically.

“I have a steady supply of Wolfsbane Potion,” he answered her.

She looked down at his papers again. When she looked up at him once more, she was smiling slightly.

“I know some people. We can make you real here, too. Set up Muggle World equivalents to these credentials,” Eva stated.

“Thank you,” he said getting up and shaking her hand - feeling the first stirrings of hope creep up from deep within him. “Thank you.”


	3. part three: reciprocating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

Part 3: reciprocating

“Can I speak to you for a moment, Ms. Rosenberg?” he asked the young woman (some sort of tree name, his mind reminded him) as she started to file out with the others. She stopped her eyes going wide and the air around her seemed to spark slightly as she nodded.

They both waited for everyone else to leave. Remus put his papers into a battered briefcase that had been a gift a few Christmas’ ago from Ron and Hermione as he watched her in the corner of his eye. She was holding her books tightly to her chest, her eyes were now closed and she seemed to be breathing deeply and deliberately in an attempt to calm herself.

In the four years he had been teaching here he had had a wide range of students – and quite a few that were truly genuinely interested in the subject. But she was the first that he suspected knew it was real.

It was something in her papers that led him to believe she was writing from experience. Little bits of detail that he knew was neither in his lectures or in the source materials he suggested.

And he could admit….he was curious.

Plus there was something else about her that was off – something about how she held herself that felt familiar. A skittishness coupled with an utter despair that was all too recognizable.

But he didn’t understand why he felt such a pull to her. Mostly he avoided this sort of thing – sharing his feelings - it always made him feel either angry or uncomfortable. He was friendly and warm at work but he had copied the Black family’s way of dealing in simply avoiding certain topics and kept his grieving as a highly personal thing.

(Except for with his son. He would never never stop telling Teddy – no matter how much it hurt - about the wonderful, real, bright, colorful woman his mother had been.)

When the door closed he shut his briefcase and turned to her with what he hoped was a comforting smile, “Ms. Rosenberg –“

She actually jumped dropping her books and across the room a couple of chairs and desks fell over violently. Both of them just stared at each other for a moment. She started breathing harder and quicker, the air in the room felt thick.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” she said, backing up her whole body shaking quite badly and making it difficult for her to keep her footing. “I’m _so_ sorry. I’ve gotta leave. I shouldn’t have come at all. I wasn’t ready. I can’t…. I have to-“

Remus lunged forward a bit and grabbed her when she stumbled and almost fell completely. Her eyes went even wider. “Shh,” he said easing them both into seated positions on the floor. “Shh, it will be all right.”

She just shook her head, gripping his arm tight and leaning her forehead into his shoulder. “No, no it won’t,” he heard her mutter into the thick cloth of his jacket. She looked back up at him and her eyes were black, “It really really can’t be anymore.”

Remus swallowed hard but didn’t look away. This was different, yes, but he had dealt with such a multitude of differences in his life (such grays – especially were magic was concerned) that it barely fazed him (plus, when he left this morning Teddy had decided that he was still on his purple kick. So, odd colored eyes weren’t too startling for him).

“Moments,” he whispered. “These are all just a series of moments you have to get through. Each one is horrible. Each one is going to be a battle – make you want to curl up, ignore the world, and just wait to die. But that means that each one is going to be a victory when you come out on the other side. So. Just breathe. Breathe and get through this moment.”

She let out a shaky breath but she did as he said – she breathed. In and out. It took him a moment to realize she was matching breaths with him. And after he realized that he made a concerted effort to just keep breathing normally, not to speed his breathing up or slow it down.

After a few minutes her eyes returned to their original green and the heaviness in the air retreated. Gradually she released her grip on his arm and smiled at him awkwardly before her eyes skittered away again.

“I’m Willow, by the way,” she said looking back at him out of the corner of her eye and holding out her hand to shake.

Remus couldn’t help it, he snorted with laughter.

***

They had tea after her next class with him. And the one after that. And the one after that.

It became a habit. Tea and chatting with Willow.

She was an American from Sunnydale, California – home, sweet Hellmouth she had said with a mixture of bitterness and fondness.

It was Willow’s friend and mentor who had suggested that she take his class. Any class really. Have something other than her magical studies up at the Devon Coven to help keep her mind occupied. Keep her busy. Get her away and out of the house for a few hours every so often so she wasn’t always drowning in her memories.

(And anyway Willow had explained to him without any hint of irony, she had always loved school and learning of any sort. The classroom was a place where she felt comfortable. At which point Remus had to hide a grin in his teacup at how similar she sounded to another certain extraordinarily intelligent witch he had had the pleasure to teach.)

She talked a lot about those memories though. About how absolutely shitty things had gotten in Sunnydale with everyone – with her. Of what she had done.

And for some reason with her he actually felt a need to share. To offer comfort in the way of reciprocating information about his own life.

About Lily and James (she told him about Jesse). About Peter (she told him about Amy). About Sirius and Dora (she told him about Tara).

They talked of their unusual worlds - so different yet equally magical and secretive.

But mostly, they just talked. And Remus cherished the human interaction. Large stretches of his life were made up of being alone and despite what one might think given what he was, Remus _hated_ being alone.

“Can I ah – can I ask you an awkward question?” she asked fiddling with the edge of her teacup breaking his train of thought.

“Of course,” he asked surprised. They talked about death, love, magic, guilt, mourning and monsters all the time. What did she think would make him uncomfortable?

“What do you do during a full moon? You don’t have to answer of course-,” she hurried at what must have been a look of shock on his face. “I was only being nosy because I thought there might be different ways in the Wizarding World of dealing with-“

“You know?” Remus got out, his throat feeling incredible dry. He had been enjoying the ease she held around him. Hating dancing around that bit (the dishonesty of it) in his telling of stories but dreading the day she found out.

“That you’re a werewolf?” she asked brows knitting in confusion and he nodded sharply, holding his breath unconsciously. “Well, of course. I knew as soon as I started taking your class. I could feel you. I told you right? How crazy sensitive I am to _all_ magic right now?”

He nodded feeling a bit stunned but she wasn’t done talking. She flushed slightly looking down at her tea again. “It’s actually what made me feel so comfortable around you - the familiarity of the wolf under your skin. My first boyfriend - Oz - was right there when I was just starting magic.” A fond smile crept across her face, “He was always a calming influence on me. It seems to be a trait shared by a lot of werewolves,” she commented looking up at him shyly.

Remus felt incredibly touched by her acceptance and slightly uncomfortable with the depth of his feeling. “Wolfsbane Potion,” he blurted.

“What?” she asked tilting her head in confusion.

“I have people who make me Wolfsbane Potion – it tastes disgusting but it allows me to keep my own mind during the change,” he elaborated answering her initial question. Mentally, he banged his head against the wall for blundering so badly in the conversational skills department. He could practically hear Sirius and Dora mocking him.

They often did that. They had a disturbingly similar sense of humor at times.

Shaking his head Remus concentrated again and smiled at the red-head in front of him as the conversation turned to Tibet and meditation techniques.


	4. part four: oral history

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

Part 4: oral history   


Remus apparated into his mother-in-law’s house with a snap, feeling the wards test then let him through. He appeared in the living room but seeing no one around went down into the peculiarly well furnished basement dungeon.

Well, peculiar for anyone other than a former Black.

The first think he noticed when he got to the bottom of the stairs was Teddy. He was stretched out on a throw rug upon the floor concentrating very diligently on his current playing - making two stuffed animal that used to be Dora’s (a Godzilla and a wolf) either fight or make out. It was rather hard to tell which from the noises.

Narcissa who was seated elegantly upon a couch nearby his child had noticed this as well and gave a delicate snort.

“Don’t be such a prude, Cissa-dear,” Andromeda chided her, stirring his Wolfsbane Potion steadily and keeping away from the blue smoke it gave off.

“Then don’t be _stupid_ ,” she snapped; leaning down to gently smooth a piece of Teddy’s hair which changed from green to platinum blonde at her touch. Her mouth softened into a smirk. “I’m _always_ a prude,” she looked up through her lashes.

It was Andromeda’s turn to snort (rather more indelicately). “We _both_ know that’s a lie.”

The sisters glared at each other hard, keeping eye contact for a prolonged strained moment before they simultaneously burst out laughing.

Loud gleeful cackles.

Wide-eyed, Remus started to back out of the room away from the crazy women and their bizarre sisterly bonding but his son saw him and got up from his toys screaming, “Daddy!”

And Remus could never turn away a hug from his little boy - he scooped him up, held him close, and breathed in his scent for a second. Then he settled Teddy against his hip and asked him in a mock-serious voice, “And how was your day young man?”

With that he was off, his five-year-old face brightening. “I went to Ms. Luna’s class and today and we painted. And even Rose got to paint – finger painting. And she got it all over the place. And it was fun. And-“

“Whoa,” he said bouncing him slightly making him giggle like he always did since he was very small. “Slow down there Teddy.”

“I like her,” Narcissa stated suddenly, surprising him.

“What?” he asked not expecting her to chime into the conversation.

“The girl he gets sent to. The Lovegood one,” she was looking down awkwardly. “She’s good with him. With all of the children. We never had anyone like her to send Draco to – where he could learn, play, and interact with children his own age. It might have been good for him.”

Remus bit his lip, recognizing this – this way of apologizing. This odd sidestepping of an admission of shame and guilt through admitting to another actual truth. That in genuinely complementing Luna, Narcissa was trying to show that she was sorry for whatever part she had in her imprisonment in Malfoy Manor during the War.

“Yeah,” Teddy said brightly squirming a bit and settling more comfortably in his arms, not understanding any of the undercurrents in the air. “Ms. Luna’s the best. She tells us stories before nap time - of twins that had fire for hair,” his eyes went wide for a second and his hair changed orange without him seeming to realize it. “A dog that was really a man. And a man made out of shadows and secrets. And- “ he continued between yawns, “-and a lady who could change into anyone she wanted but was always somehow herself.” He laid his head against Remus shoulder and his eyes fluttered shut.

“Yeah,” Andromeda said into the quiet of the room, blinking hard but not stopping her stirring. “I like the girl, too.”


	5. part five: parting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

Part 5: parting

  
Willow was waiting for him by his office after class like always but there was a nervousness about her that had dissipated between them after their first few talks.

Trying to shrug off his growing feeling of unease he smiled at her and dug around for his keys to get the door but she put a hand on his arm halting his movements.

“I can’t stay, Remus,” she said. “I have to leave.”

“Alright,” he said. “I guess, I’ll just see you..”

“No,” Willow shook her head hard, her red hair flying around her face. “I have to go – back to Sunnydale.”

He felt his chest go a bit tight and tried to stay calm. “You only have two more weeks until the class is over,” he said somewhat desperately. “Can’t you finish – “

Willow gazed into space. “From beneath you it devours,” she said in a monotone and Remus felt a chill come over him.

She shook herself and smiled sadly. “I have to go _now_. Something’s coming. Something big. And they might not want me, they might not trust me – I don’t deserve it. I know that. But I need to be there.”

Remus pushed down whatever he felt at that moment and concentrated solely on her. “Willow-,” he started gently.

“No, no. It’s ok,” her smile wavered slightly and she bit her lip. “I’m mostly worried about me anyway. That I might hurt someone again. I don’t know if I can do this without her, Remus,” she admitted with a whisper. “I’m just not strong enough. Not brave enough -,”

He placed his briefcase on the ground and stepped forward grabbing her arm gently. She looked up at him with big scared green eyes. “You _wil_ l do this, Willow. You’re going to get through this. You’re going to be fine. Not because you’re strong or brave – those things don’t really matter all that much because in the long run no one can be strong and brave all of the time. You’re going to keep living, keep fighting because, honestly, your Willow and you have _no other real choice_.”

For a while she just kept looking at him not even seeming to breathe. Then without warning Willow dropped the messenger bag that held her books to the ground and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you, Remus,” she said when she released him. “The coven were the ones to teach me control but you’re the only one who ever taught me that it was ok to just _not_ to be ok sometimes. To be me – damaged, uncontrolled and all. Does that make _any_ sense,” she laughed slightly.

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

And this time he felt better prepared when she reached out and hugged him. He closed his eyes tight, breathed in her scent and tried to tell himself it didn’t feel so much like goodbye.


	6. part six: top hat wearing octopi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

Part 6: top hat wearing octopi

  
They were running a bit late. He appeared with Teddy on the edge of the anti-apparation wards right next to a sign at the beginning of a path that proclaimed: “Loony Luna’s Day Care!” and was surrounded by a mixture of shooting stars, top hat wearing octopi, thestrals, and a few creatures he wasn’t entirely sure were actually real.

As soon as they materialized his son let go of his hand and broke off into a run, leaving Remus to shake his head and follow at a slower pace carrying his tiny golden snitch-covered back pack and lunch. When he caught up with him, Teddy was knocking excitedly at the two story, slightly odd shaped stone building with flags hanging out of every corner that had been converted from the leftover parts of Lovegood Tower.

Luna opened the door holding an infant with one arm and smiling. “Shhh, now, Teddy,” she said in her usual dreamy voice. “The other’s are in the living room, why don’t you get your pillow from your cubby and join them. It’s ‘Quiet Time’.”

“And then we’ll have ‘Loud Time’?” he asked excitedly.

“Maybe,” she said smiling.

Remus had to chuckle as he watched his son zoom off (‘Loud Time’ was second only to his favorite ‘Painting Time’; although he seemed to also have great fondness for ‘Exploring Time’, ‘Story Time’, ‘Singing Time’, and ‘Building Time’). He followed Luna’s slight, tilt of the head invitation inside – she never gave spoken invitations. As he dropped Teddy’s backpack with the other children’s’ he glanced in the living room to see them all sitting cross legged, breathing deeply, with peaceful expressions on their faces.

Quiet Time.

He went into the kitchen that overlooked the living room where he found Luna warming up a bottle for the youngest in her care which she held in her arms. Remus was just about to say his goodbyes before heading off for the day when she spoke up while still fiddling with the bottle.

“She’s back in England again,” she stated.

“What?” he asked, feeling thrown. “Who?”

Luna only smiled and instead of answering directly said, “Perhaps Teddy and you should take a short trip up to the Devon Coven for the day. It’s lovely this time of year.”

Remus’ breathed in sharply and his chest felt tight. He very deliberately let the breath out slowly again. Feeling absurdly like the children in the other room.

“I – I can’t,” he said trying hard to ignore how much he wanted to. How much he had thought about it - thought about _her_ these past weeks. “I was too old for Tonks,” he said harshly, “and now I’m much too old –“

“ –to be stupid enough to let something as rare as love go when you are blessed with it so many times in your life just because of something as silly as age,” she cut him off and he shut his mouth with a snap.

Remus had not been so self-centered in his own grief directly after the War to not have heard about anyone elses. He knew about Fred dying – how that had rocked the Weasley family. He knew about Colin Creevey – had seen young Dennis at the mass funerals at Hogwarts standing small, alone, and stock still. He knew about Xenophillius Lovegood - thought simply captured by Death Eater and taken to Azkaban (bad enough) later found to have been killed under torture.

Remus had known these things while dealing with his own pain but hadn’t actually been able to do anything about them. There was nothing he could have done anyway when it came to Luna, by the time the news reached anyone she had disappeared.

She had simply been gone but a little over a month later she had been back. Back and married. Married to a man over twice her age – Rolf Scamander.

People had whispered, naturally. But they couldn’t say she did it for the money (anyone who knew anything about him knew that Rolf had squandered most of his famous grandfather’s riches on funding numerous expeditions) and when they saw the two of them together most understood. They had been absolutely smitten with each other – there had been a brightness to Luna when she was with Rolf that Remus doesn’t think had even been there back when he first met her when she was still so young. One that had been dimmed starting with her mothers’ death and progressing with each loss she experienced after that.

And Rolf; he’s _never_ seen anyone so in love. Remus remembers watching once when Luna had been talking to Ginny and grabbed Rolf’s hand. A simple unthinking gesture, but Rolf had gone still and stared at their joined hands – his eyes distant and his finger stroking over Luna’s knuckles with something close to reverence.

Because there had been a reason they had rushed everything so much. Rolf wasn’t only much older than Luna, he was ill. Very very ill and they didn’t have any time to waste.

The entirety of their relationship from meeting, marriage, to parting in death lasted all of three months.

People tried to catch her this time – tried to grab her and offer comfort right away. But Luna would always do things in her own fashion and one second during the funeral she was there wearing a brightly rainbow-colored patchwork skirt in quiet defiance to the other somber colored clothing surrounding her, then she was gone.

When people saw her next she was opening a day care.

“Remus,” Luna sighed and shook her head. She set down the bottle and took a step towards him to lay a comforting hand gently on his shoulder rocking the child absentmindedly at the same time. “They won. The world didn’t end. _Again_. That _has_ to be good sign.”

Remus’ lips reluctantly twitched into a bemused grin. “It rather does. Doesn’t it?”


	7. part seven: settled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.  
> Warnings/Spoilers: Post-War AU Harry Potter (so some character death different than the books obviously). Season 6 & Slightly changed (no Kennedy) Season 7 BTVS.  
> A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

Part 7: settled

  
Teddy was very excited to go to what he called “Luna’s Quiet Place.” (Remus supposed he really should have put together in his own mind before now where she got the very un-Wizarding World mediation techniques. But, like many things about her had simply chalked it up to her being Luna.) He was a bit afraid that his son was going to be disappointed to find, that although Luna had apparently spent some time at Devon Coven after Rolf died, that did not mean every single witch there was going to be exactly like his teacher.

He had dropped by and told Andromeda and Narcissa where he was going before he left although it was completely unnecessary – part of him wanting them to say something, to stop him. But the two only shared a look before Andromeda dryly stated, “We had been wondering who she was.”

The witches in charge directed them to a cluster of trees and they walked towards it. As they got closer he could see her sitting in the shade, her red hair - a bit longer than he remembered - falling forward to hide her face.

When Remus and Teddy where within a few yards she looked up and smiled.

He noticed right away the change in her. She hummed with a different sort of power now. No longer the darkness of before. This was warm and glowing – not bright but _glowing_ none the less. It thrummed and rolled but somehow seemed completely and utterly natural.

Remus felt slightly nervous. She was different now; perhaps she wouldn’t want to see him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have come….but he had. And he had Teddy with him and he wasn’t going to have brought him all of the way out here only to take him abruptly back because of his own fears and insecurities.

“Hello,” she said softly, staying seated, probably for his son’s benefit.

“Hello,” he returned just at softly, feeling very foolish and tongue tied. “You did it,” he finally just stated; “you won.”

“Yes,” she kept eye contact and smiled a soft pleased smile that made something in him warm that was in no way connected to her magic.

Then Teddy frowned; he stepped forward from behind his legs and approached her – Willow stayed very still, letting him do what he wanted without any interference. He got closer and his nose twitched, as if he sniffed her, then he sneezed causing Willow to giggle. Teddy smiled tentatively.

“You don’t smell like GrAndy or Great Cissa. Or even Luna,” he said questioningly.

“You can smell differences?” Willow asked calmly.

Remus was staring at his son because this was news to him. But his son was simply nodding, “Kinda. When we have “Quiet Time” with Ms. Luna sometimes we figure out what we can see. Like without really opening out eyes and looking,” he explained.

“I understand,” she said seriously holding down a smile.

“And Hugo is pretty good at it – at being able to see things without looking during ‘Quiet Time’. And sometimes Felicity can know what the weather is going to do if she doesn’t try too hard. But I don’t see things I _smell_ them,” Teddy sat down and related conversationally.

“Sounds like you have some really special friends,” Willow said not seeming the least bit surprised although Remus certainly was. “How about you tell be a bit about them and I’ll tell you about my friends, too,” she said.

“Alright,” Teddy said and he scooted over until he was seated next to her leaning against the tree with her.

“Remus,” Willow asked looking back up at him and breaking him out of his thoughts. “Are you going to sit down, too?”

He looked down at his son curled up against the woman he was starting to have feelings for and after a slight pause he answered, “Alright.” And settled on his son’s other side but couldn’t help looking over at her every few moments.

She was listening to his son intently but seemed to feel his stare and looked up, and their eyes caught again. There must have been something in his expression because she flushed slightly and bit her lip looking down… before glancing back up through her eyelashes at him, making his heart beat faster.

And one thought rang through his head.

 _Sirius and Dora would have approved._


End file.
